CAP Member Question Stokes Conspiracy to “Homogenize” Air Force & Auxiliary

Civil Air Patrol member

Civil Air Patrol member concerned that amateur aerial urologists are victims of conspiracy to homo-genize armed forces.

By Slider Goose | AuxBeacon News Reader

[Editor’s Note: We hope this contribution is tongue-in-cheek, but we really aren’t sure. In case it is not, we open with the classic meme from Princess Bride.]

Word Meanings in Civil Air Patrol
Civil Air Patrol members may struggle with certain words.

Mayday:

A year ago this time two US Navy lieutenants were busted for drawing male genitalia in the sky above Okanogan County, Washington with their Boeing EA-18G Growler. Many in the Air Force and its Auxiliary chalked this up to the homoerotic undercurrents that have entered weaker and more susceptible “naval” minds through Tony Scott’s 1986 film Top Gun. If you’ve been watching Civil Air Patrol social media for the past decade, you have surely noticed that the film is a misunderstood favorite with the oblivious (or perhaps closeted) CAP cadet corps. If your cadets have never seen the film explained, you can show them this brief tutorial on the subversion in Top Gun.

Top Gun Lockeroom Subversion
Civil Air Patrol should explain Top Gun to its cadets.

News just out this past week, however, shows that the vast conspiracy to undermine American virility is not limited to only the United States Navy.

During the B-52 flying 69th Bomb Squadron’s 2017-2018 deployment to Al Udeid Air Force Base, Qatar, penis drawings were repeatedly created by unit members and captured for a CD montage. The montage was played at the end of the deployment, and then left behind and later turned in to officials. The suggestive material in a deadly serious workplace environment prompted an investigation.

As a result, Air Force squadron commander Lt Col Paul Goossen, (no joke that’s his last name) has been fired over these digital dicks drafted on the mapping equipment of a B-52H cockpit. I personally think such a punishment might be too extreme and if you hunt around, you will see that I am not the only one.

As a healthy, single, male pilot who travels extensively, I don’t draw penises. I’ve sketched a few flying-saucer honeypots in my day, but I assumed this was natural because, well, I find myself attracted to the opposite gender.

Could these male aviators have been intimidated or threatened by the large, vagina-shaped spacecraft in Qatar that could easily engulf their tiny airplanes?

Al Wakrah Stadium Qatar
Al Wakrah Stadium Qatar

I’ve noticed that some Civil Air Patrol members seem to prefer finding male genitalia in many places they look. Here’s Pacific Region Commander Jon L. Stokes in 2016.

Civil Air Patrol Jon L. Stokes
Civil Air Patrol Pacific Region Commander Jon L. Stokes communicates

You can find a collection of Civil Air Patrol Penis Memes at [link redacted].

My question for you and your readers, is Civil Air Patrol some soft unguarded point of penetration for the homogenization and humiliation of our US military forces?

Related Stories:

Penis skydrawing was our doing, Navy says

‘Prevalent phallic drawings’ by B-52 airmen at deployed location led to commander’s ouster